How To Pull Away From the Destruction Cycle


We live in a world that takes absolute delight in tearing people down. For many, it’s a way of life.

In all forms of media, it’s about targeting someone, a group, company, or an institution. Someone did or said or wrote something that was offensive to another. They must be held up for scrutiny and publicly, metaphorically, executed.

Government and politics used to be about compromise and doing what’s best for their citizens and countries. Now, it’s all about greed, making the other side look bad, and herding people in the “proper” direction, using the latest psychological techniques to accomplish it.

Image via Kevin B 3 Flickr Creative Commons

Image via Kevin B 3 Flickr Creative Commons

Public schools are hotbeds of experimental social programs designed to churn out happy little worker robots for the 20th century. Oops, too bad it’s actually the 21st century and we need workers who can think creatively and constructively.

You know what kids do best now? Wage hate campaigns against someone “different” and threatening each other over who’s musical, tv, movie, or literary hero is best.

Hmm. Actually, maybe kids are learning about the real world. However, they certainly aren’t being prepared to be productive members of society.

Then, there’s our families. No only do we have outside pressures building against us, but internally, it’s often either a battlefield or a wasteland. We bring the “get them” attitudes with us into a place that should be a sanctuary. We hurt the people we’re closest to. We forget love and loyalty and allow frustration, anger, fear, resentment to build.

These thoughts have come to a stabby point with me lately.

What can we do to change this ugly cycle in our own lives?

Decide not to engage. We can be such competitive creatures. It’s incredibly easy to fall for the baiting, but it comes at a steep price to physical and mental health.

Don’t let the little shit get out of hand. Paradoxically, it’s often the small stuff that starts the biggest arguments. If a family member or friend tends to push your buttons, decide ahead of time how far you’re willing to go and fight like hell the impulse to argue further. You probably won’t stop the first time, but each time will get easier. Awareness makes a big difference here.

Also, think long and hard before firing off that rant on Facebook or your blog or commenting on someone else’s. That stuff has an embarrassing way of popping up long afterward.

Look for something better and you will find it. It’s easy to find the crap. Dive deeper for the pearl. Turn off the TV if you can’t find it there. Do an internet search on a topic you want to know more about. Browse the shelves in your local library. Visit a museum.


Image via Neil Alejandro Flickr Creative Commons

Create something. Make up a song. Write something – a poem, blog post, story, or scream onto a page that no one will see. Draw or paint a picture, knit a scarf, build a doghouse. Whatever appeals to you, go and make something. Don’t worry if it’s not a van Gogh or a Martha Stewart. That’s not the point. Instead of tearing something or someone down, you created something that didn’t exist before that moment. How friggin’ cool is that?Two of my favorite creativity gurus are Melissa Dinwiddie at Living a Creative Life and Jill Badonsky at The Muse is In.


Image via Birmingham Culture Flickr Creative Commons

Meet different people. Go to a different coffee shop or restaurant and say “hi” to people. Take a class in something that interests you. Join a service organization or club. If that’s too big a step, sign up for the newsletter of someone you admire. Get something interesting and positive in your inbox instead of some of the boring or depressing stuff you may have now.

James Clear writes about self-improvement in a direct way (without any woo-woo) that cuts through the bull. His free ebook on changing your habits is definitely worth a look.

Don’t beat yourself up. Stop trying to be perfect. It’s a mirage cast by someone else and you can never be that person. You are you. We’re human and we make mistakes. At some point, you are going to fail. So what? We all do. Get back up. Again and again. Apologize to those you wronged. Work at making it better.

Judy Clement Wall is a huge source of inspiration for me. Her mission is “to make art, do work, and engage in shenanigans that inspire fearless love, soulful evolution, and wild creativity as a way of life.” She’s very truthful when she messes up and works through it to the other side, often with a new perspective. Couldn’t we live with a bit more fearless love and wild creativity in the world?

How do you deal with the culture of destruction in your life?


12 comments on “How To Pull Away From the Destruction Cycle

  1. D. says:

    Hei, thanks for the post, I really enjoyed reading it.
    I think we should start with the last one, don’t beat yourself up. People sho feel good with themselves treat others well.
    All the best in your reading and congrats on reading so many books this year!


    • E.K. Carmel says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. It was something that’s been building for a while and needed to be be expressed. Thanks for stopping by and commenting D!


  2. D J Mills says:

    Yes! Creating something! Anything! 🙂
    I am all for finding the positives in everything in life, such as, even though my back yard is a mine field, I get fresh eggs each day.


    • E.K. Carmel says:

      Some days it’s really, REALLY hard to find the positives, but it’s definitely worth it. Fresh eggs are wonderful. I get them from my brother and a local farmer but would consider it worth a few landmines in the back yard too!


  3. I have a friend who really went after me on Facebook about a year ago. I so wanted to reply but I backed off and told her the conversation was getting out of hand. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. When she puts insane crap up I type a reply and then erase it. Sometimes it helps to just get it out of my system even if I don’t plan to share with anyone.

    It’s far too easy to take family for granted but one thing I’ve tried to teach my girls is to forgive one another because no one else is going love them or be there for them like their sister or family. I definitely believe in apologizing and have been known to do so ahead of time if I know I’m cranky. My family appreciates the heads up and I appreciate them leaving me alone to work my way through the mood.

    I wish I was Miss Sunshine all the time but I’ve recently realized I’m not and never will be. All I can do is try not to let the good days be defined by the bad and keep doing my best.


    • E.K. Carmel says:

      Oh, boy. Don’t you just love the people who spout off on FB? I’ve considered commenting or blocking people like that, but stop myself. It’s not worth the chaos. But I do often wonder how they would respond if I put equally inflammatory statuses up. Start a war probably. Nope, not worth it.

      Be strong, Angela. You are not alone.


      • D J Mills says:

        Glad I never bought into the whole Facebook hype. My books are selling without using FB so no regrets for not signing up. 🙂


        • E.K. Carmel says:

          Facebook (or any social media site) isn’t for everyone, despite the hype. I like it for getting in touch with friends and family, sharing photos, and seeing what people are up to because we are all busy.

          I’m not a fan of those who use it specifically to further a political or religious agenda, or sell something. I want to get to know people, not be hit over the head by one person’s opinion or marketed at. But I’m also free to ignore them or block them if it gets too outrageous. Kind of sad when I realize that about someone I once admired, though.

          It’s a delicate balance and not for everyone.


  4. Great post. I think the best way to deal with much of this is just to slow down. If something bad happens, count to ten, walk away from it for a bit. Too much happens on the fly, and once it’s out there you can’t undo it.


  5. Sandy says:

    diatpbsn;:Ftntas&ic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept


Tell me what you REALLY think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s